February is considered the month of love. At the beginning of the month the main topic of conversation is Valentines Day, whether you have one or are searching for one. Pastors usually direct their messages to the topic of love and marriages. For all intense and purposes I love the month of February (pun unintended). The reason I love this month is because i love romance. The idea of two people coming together and sharing a deep bond of attraction, desire and commitment had always fascinated me.
Ever since I can remember, my view of success would be the day that I found the woman of my dreams, we would get married raise beautiful children and live happily ever after. I consider my self to be a romantic guy, I enjoy giving random gifts, and tokens of affection for no reason except for the simple reason that I appreciate her.
Although I love it, love itself is complex and easily tainted by our emotions and feelings. I was always searching for love growing up. I had a seed planted in me when i was young that my biological father didn’t want me and that he wished that I was never born. I never told anyone, but since i was told that I allowed that to be imprinted on the inside of me. From then on I sought affection and desperately wanted to fall in love and get married. In my head i was ready to get married at 18 and the idea seemed perfectly sane.
I had this idea that all you need is love and that will create happy and strong marriage. To an extent that is correct but, my idea of love was from a worlds perspective displayed through Rom-Coms and magazine articles. This way of thinking led to destructive relationships and a lot of heartbreak. I have given my heart to each woman I was in a relationship with and each one ended on not so great terms. The last two relationships I was in I thought for sure that we were going to get married. They ended and I havent talked to either of them since. I have been told that both are married with children and I am truly happy for them. I am grateful that I never married in the past. Let me explain…
In Psalms 37:4, David writes “delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” I have prayed and have made my desires known to God for a long time and He knows that being married is one of the big ones, but here is the kicker, God doesn’t just want to give me just any marriage, He wants to give me a great marriage. I could have married those two woman in my past and we could have been happy and raised a family and would not have known any better. Thankfully, God does know better and He knew that I if I pursued God and the calling on my life, then I could be better prepared to step into the role of a husband. God not only had someone better suited for me, He was preparing me for her.
It has not been easy because I have allowed my feelings and emotions get in the way and have tried to accelerate the process, luckily to no avail. I needed to realize the true definition of love, before i could even think about making lifelong covenant with the woman of my dreams. The true definition of LOVE is GOD. God is love, He is the creator of love and knows how love should be displayed.
Love suffers long and is kind; loved does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13;4-8
The above verses give the definition of love which are attributes of God. Notice that love is not described by how we feel or what emotional state we are in. the above description is a choice. Feelings do not keep a marriage strong, a CHOICE does. Marriage is the second, by second, hour by hour, day by day, month by month, year by year, CHOICE to LOVE each other. Keeping God at the center of that marriage is the only way to keep that choice. I am so thankful that in the years since my last relationship God has prepared me to be the greatest husband my future wife could ever ask for, till that day I will keep preparing for that gift and responsibility.
Shawn Bordges #choosejoy